Lifestyle of the unemployed

Well this post is for Dave because he DEMANDED one final post before he leaves to conquer the world. It is going to be very strange to not have you around, Dave. Since our summer in Troyer I realized that we have a very special relationship. I'm honestly not sure that a week has gone by since then in which I have not at least talked with you. For anyone who is not Dave, this is addressed to him. So the sentences with "you" don't actually mean you, you know. Well, those "yous" meant you, and by "you" I don't mean Dave here.

I think this is a really exciting and nervous time for each of us in our lives. That is probably one reason I haven't really been able to think about you being gone for so long.

Here are some highlights of what we've shared: an unprecedented Cardinals comeback to beat the Cubs; perfect junior year dorm room layouts; our first alcohol violation; ridiculous New Orleans happenings; our huuuuge bar; a Pirates championship; poker all the time; Fosters, Da Bears, and molestation; Vegas baby; Graduation; working for that one company; the visit to the Lou; quitting that one company; Big Ten tourney; Final Four and the best Illini season ever; New York; Pittsburgh, Iron City Beer, and pizza places that hang up on me; and the yet to come send off at O'Hare.

Now we have a 2 year break from adding to that list, but that was just over 3 years. We'll have another 60 or so to add when you get back.

Pictured: Bottom from left: Jackson and friend Jimmy Top from left Jackson's girlfriend Pamela Jackson and friend Joe

Alabama residents can once again rest easy. Just this past week the Alabama House passed a resolution asking all Alabama residents to boycott travel to Aruba. That's where an Alabama teenager has been missing for more than seven weeks. Mobile resident, Billy Lee Jackson, was immediately concerned.

Jackson, 28, is an auto mechanic who has long dreamed of attending every NASCAR event in a season. “It’s what me and my friend Jimmy have always dreamed of,” said Jackson. “We was real worried about this boycott to this Aruba place for a couple of days. Then Jimmy found out the schedule from his cousin who has the Internet, and there was no NASCAR race in Aruba. For a while there we was sure scared this year wouldn't be the one”

Jackson and friend are not the only Alabamans relieved to hear about the lack NASCAR’s affiliation with Aruba. Billy Tonington of Laurel, AL was speeding toward Montgomery, the state’s capitol, in his ’89 Silverado when he heard the relieving news on the radio. “I was all fixin’ to run right in and tell them politicians just what I thought about ‘em, but then I heard that Aruba was just some other country where they is no NASCAR anyway.”

The resolution to boycott Aruba was sponsored by Representative Leslie Vance of Phenix City. “We should have prefaced the resolution with the fact that NASCAR does not take place in Aruba. Hindsight is always 20/20.”

Vance says he hopes the threat of losing tourist dollars will encourage officials in Aruba to speed up the investigation for the missing teen. The boycott may not have as much leverage as lawmakers had hoped, however. Currently only about $1,500 in tourism is collected from Alabama residents in Aruba anually. Vance reluctantly admitted that he must hope some of the more affluent states join in the boycott. "Obviously it would be nice to get a California or New York, but we're doing what we can."

There is nothing to do in Paner. Now, I don't mean that in the way most of you use it when you visit your hometowns. You all drive past restaurants, bars, movie theaters, multiple golf courses, etc... I can't even get Taco Bell if I wanted it here. The Wal-Mart here doesn't even carry the soap I use, which means I've just been scrubbing extra hard with water. The only thing I do is sleep until at least 10:00 and read during the day. The reading is nice because there are many things I have wanted to read. Currently I'm reading "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." I have already finished "Raving Fans" and "The Perfect Business." If that means nothing to you, just remember you don't have to read this, jerk. This all may not sound so bad, but I'm really sick of not working. I really want to work again. I never knew I was capable of that feeling.

On the Brighter (useless capitalization) side, I leave with the rest of my family for Colorado Saturday. I can't wait. We're going to hike Longs Peak, a 14er (a mountain with a peak higher that 14,000 feet), a first for me.

Also, Dave is driving down here tomorrow. Apparently it has been too long since he's seen me. Sometimes he gets that way. It wasn't bad for the first year I knew him, but ever since he's just been so clingy. Of course he says he wants to come to see my parents before he leaves and eat Pizza Man (known as The Man to intimates) one last time, you know, before he's killed by the Panamanians.

In other news: Bob shoots a 50 on a par 30 9-hole course; I got my hair trimmed today, keeping the length (so sexy); Patrick is on the next one . . . And the previous one; I will soon have capability of stealing from Dave with no legal repercussions

One thing that always gets me are women's showers. I know what I and most men do in the shower. But I have no idea what some of you women are doing. Just the other day I'm in a woman's shower. I'm already wet and I start looking around. Guys, you've been in this situation. All you want is SOAP. I mean, it's really a helpless feeling. I'm looking around, I'm reading labels: Satin Care, "Don't think that's it..." Calming Aroma Steam, "Maybe...but it's purple." Herbal Shower Cream: Tingling Satisfaction "WHOOOOAAAAA." I ended up just rinsing down with PLAX just because it's the only thing I recognized. I was like a walking mint the rest of the day.

In case you didn't know, and Dave, you did, I've been gone on a huge trip. Anyone who speculated on how many libations I would consume in D.C., it was 27. I think Dave and I topped that in one day in Pittsburgh on the way back. D.C. was fun. I got to see Morgey and got to see her drunk. We ate good food, drank on a rooftop, and brunched in an art gallerey to the sounds of a gospel chior.

My last day in D.C. was Sunday. And after taking Monday as an opportunity to visit a few wineries, have a relaxing lunch, I settled down in Somerset, PA with a bottle of Cabernet (particularly enjoying in a Super 8 Motel logo plastic cup) and Hoya de Monterey Dark Sumatra.

The next day I picked Dave up from the Pittsburgh airport in what we can only assume was the easiest airport pick-up ever executed. We have contacted Guinness Records to discuss the matter. We bought pretty good seats for the Pirates/Nationals game that night and proceeded to drink until said game. Somehow we got back to the hotel, did not order pizza, and woke up later than we meant to. We pulled out the radar detector and made it to the Reds/Cardinals game in Cincinnati in time for the national anthem. We then sat about 8 rows back from the field by the on-deck circle for the combined price of $9.

Well, Dave and I decided that Cincinnati was the same city as Pittsburgh, which was the same as St. Louis. We needed a change so we headed for Indianapolis. We had a nice dinner in Indy, but not before a stop at Indiana Downs, where I think we broke even in our blind wagering endeavors. Indy actually had a nice atmosphere at night, and it was a Wednesday.

Well finally, we made it to Chicago, where I remained as an uninvited houseguest for 4 days. We ate Giadano's pizza, played poker at the Resorts, and found the best game ever at GameWorks. On Saturday, Bob hooked us up with prime seats for the White Sox/Cubs game. Regretfully, the Cubs were victorious.

Overall, I spent a lot of money I shouldn't have and drank a lot. Also, I have now visited 5 different major league parks this season.

Tomorrow I head to Washington, D.C. I am disappointed about its lack of nickname representation, however. The Big Apple, Sin City, The Windy City; Even Paner is known as the City of Roses. It's upsetting. I propose it be known as "The Hill." So tomorrow I go to The Hill.

I went to my nephew's baseball game last night. Basically, there are no rules with kids in the 7-8 age group. No foul balls, actually no outs. Everybody gets to bat once an inning. That being the case there is only time for two innings in the allotted 45 minute window. So these kids know nothing about the game of baseball. When I was that age I remember being pretty good. The basic play-by-play for each batter would have gone something like this last night: "It's a dribbler out towards the mound. It doesn't look like anyone wants to take charge. Finally three children have noticed the big yellow ball. They are all going for it. And number 6 picks up the ball. He elects to just look all around at the runners in pretty colored shirts instead of throw it to first."

I now know my new address:
905 E. Golf Road Apt. 5
Arlington Heights

In other news, I am in love. I met her about 2 weeks ago. I drove her home and since then I can't keep my hands off this 2002 Envoy. It's fire red with power everything, 6 CD changer, sun/moon roof. I now hate my car.

OK, OK, I'll submit to the silent demands of what I'm sure are hundreds of you that were just too shy to verbalize a burning desire for me to write huge annoying sentences about completely useless things on a semi-daily basis. As a poker player you just tend to sense these things. I really don't have a lot of material for this first one because Dave has heard it all, and he's probably the only one that will read this.

I did visit my brother this last weekend, which refers to the most recent weekend and not the one prior to the most recent. We tried to go golfing on Friday, but only made it three holes before "racing" back to the clubhouse to avert the "Day After Tomorrow" style storm approaching. Those of you who know my brother, and, Dave, you do, know that he's a pretty big guy. Well, it's a good thing we headed back as early as we did, because electric golf carts can really move with a combined 500 lb. load going downhill. The real problem was uphill. At one point I had to get out of the cart and walk along it going up a hill. We did get back before the rain and enjoyed a Diablo cigar and a Budweiser can in the clubhouse.

I'm heading to D.C. this week via automobile to visit my friend Morgan. Quick poll: Morgan is A) Female B) Male C) Neither. I'm sure that will be a blast. On the way back I'm picking up Dave at the Pittsburgh airport and we're going to a Pirates game. The next morning will include a drive to Cincy for a Reds/Cards game and then I have to drive the punk all the way back to Chicago.

Maybe I did have a lot to write.

John will consume how many libations (alcoholic drinks) during his 4 nights in Washington D.C.?
	0
	1-10
	11-20
	21-30
	31-40
	41-50
	51-60
	Over 60
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